First Day As a Grand Champion
by The Penguin Squad
Summary: My first day as a grand champion of the arena. Oh the fans! Oh that one fan that won't leave me alone... Oh the suffering. This was a planned oneshot but everyone liked it so much so I continued! Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**My brother is the oblivion fan. I just like to write. I have never gotten up to the point with the adoring fan, only heard about him. I don't own oblivion. But I do wear the dark brother hood's armour just cause it looks cool.**

As I stepped out of the arena I was hoisted onto the shoulders of a nord and orc. Running around us in circles was a small male wood elf- screaming shouts of joy.

Hours later it was getting dark and I was ready to go home. After several drinks at the bar I tilted slightly to the right and walked with a stagger.

Digging through my pocket for my key I heard a twig snap behind me. Unsheathing my sword I prepared to attack. There was the wood elf.

"I'm your biggest fan! Just call me adoring fan!" the adoring fan said happily. I was beginning to wonder if he was drunk.

Reflecting back I remember him excitedly watching me but not participating in the festivities, namely the drinking.

"Okay?" I said gruffly, trying to sound tough.

Suddenly he ran over and hugged me. I was still holding my sword so I directed it away from him.

Two minutes passed. It was very awkward but I didn't want to just send him away.

I heard a him say something I couldn't hear.

"What was that?" I asked, starting to release him.

He looked up at me with shinning eyes. "I'm your biggest fan!" he proclaimed, hugging tighter.

I sighed, letting my hands fall to my side. I frowned when my sword scraped against the stone blocks the path was made of.

Fifteen minutes later he was still hugging me.

At twenty I rolled my eyes and shoved him off.

"Ok, bye." I said, backing away, still holding my sword.

"Can I shine your sword?"

"Uh, no thanks." I said, unlocking the door as fast as I could. I dropped the key in my haste. He picked it up and handed it to me before I could react.

"Polish your amour?"

"No."

"Brush your horse?"

"No! Just… go away!"

"Clean your house?"

"Grrr, no!"

"Dance?"

"I don't care! Just leave me out of it!" I yelled, finally getting the key in and twisting it till it clicked. Using my shoulder I shoved the door open and slammed it closed behind me.

"Make you dinner?" a voice came from behind me.

"How did you get in here?" I asked, astonished.

"Back door. Salmon or trout?"

"No!" I yelled, opening the door and throwing him out.

With a sigh he sat outside the door.

**-THE NEXT DAY-**

I yawned, stretching out I tried to touch the ceiling. Sitting on the edge of the bed I pulled on my boots and went downstairs to get my breakfast.

"Three or four pancakes?" the wood elf asked, flipping one into the air where it landed neatly back on the pan.

"What the-?"

"I thought since you are such a mighty warrior you would need all the nourishment you can get in the morning." He said, cutting me off.

"By Azura! JUST GO AWAY!" I yelled, grabbing him by his collar and dragging him to the door.

"Out!" I yelled again angrily, throwing him out onto the street.

"I guess he's grumpy in the morning…" the wood elf muttered, sitting outside the door in the grass.

Turning around to the table I saw it was all nicely laid out with the black horse courtier sitting on the table along with a small basket of berries he went out to get and a stack of pancakes he had made himself.

Sighing I sat down to eat. They were good pancakes…

After breakfast I grabbed my sword and headed out the door to practice.

While the wood elf was waiting for me he had been busy.

He had made several signs saying different things.

"#1 fan!"

"You're the best!"

"The champion!"

And others like that.

In the middle of all it there he was, standing with the biggest grin.

I intended to wipe that smile off his face.

Slashing through the signs quickly I looked back at him, keeping a steady glare.

Instead of getting upset, he observed the signs slowly.

A smile creped back to his face. Clapping loudly he shouted, "Bravo! Well done! By Azura that's the best swordsmanship I've seen in years! Bravo!"

Thinking of running the sword through him I looked around for guards. No, there were too many.

"Hey…" I said, smiling.

"What?" he asked, smiling as well.

"Wanna play a game?" I asked, looking over at him.

"Sure! Anything with you! You're the champion!" he cried, running over to me and hugging me again.

You don't know how much I hate his hugging.

"Okay! Come inside!" I said, opening the door and beckoning him inside.

He gasped, his mouth hung open as he stared at the door. "Me? Go inside the champions house? What a honor!" he said, letting go of me and running inside.

"Okay! Its in the basement!" I said, unlocking the door downstairs.

He ran ahead of me, pure excitement. Pure stupidity.

"Okay. Can you keep a promise?" I asked, walking down after him and making sure no one was following.

"Of course! You're the champion!" he said, yet again. He wouldn't keep still!

"Alright… I have a secret room. Filled with all the secrets of my training and success." I said slowly.

His mouth hung open again. "You do!" he asked, still moving.

"That's right. And since you're my number one fan. You get to see what no wood elf has seen before!" I said, walking over to a chest.

Now he was shaking with excitement.

"Okay, the secret way is down the stairs in this chest. Only one person can go down at a time so I'll let you look around by yourself." I said, opening the chest.

"You're my best friend!" he said, giving me a quick hug before jumping inside.

"No problem…" I said, closing the chest and locking it.

"Ooo, I see! How wonderful! Your training consists of being in small spaces for long periods of time! What a genius!"

He continued to babble on as I went up the stairs. Locking that door behind me too. Just in case.


	2. Chapter 2

**Well. Here it is. The next chapter that I didn't plan to do. Sorry if it was a little late, I was planning on getting it out before Halloween. Anyway, here you go! Read, and then review. **

I yawned and stretched as I prepared for the new day, or the third day as a grand champion.

Running my wetted fingers through my hair I smoothed it down from the mess it became while I slept.

Downstairs the adoring fan still sat in the chest, marveling at the teak wood and stunning brass hinges.

"Ooo, and look at the way it curves up too! Such a piece of work could only belong to the grand champion!" he cried, running his hand along the surface of the wood.

I sighed and walked downstairs to where he was and kicked the trunk.

"Hey! You still alive?!" I yelled.

"Yes, how am I doing?" he asked pleasantly. I knew he was grinning inside the trunk.

"Horrible, you should be dead by now." I replied, kicking it one last time before returning upstairs.

"So, what would you like for breakfast today?" he asked, flipping over a omelet in one of my pans.

"Wha-? How did you get up here? Get back in your cage!" I yelled, jumping over the counter at him.

He sidestepped and left me on the floor.

"Also, today I want to work on your Halloween costume." He added, putting some salt and pepper on the omelet.

"How dare you…" I muttered, glaring at him from the floor.

"I thought we could dress alike, pumpkins of course."

"Look, I think you've got this all wrong." I started, crossing my arms.

He smiled, flipping the omelet over. "Of course, anything you say."

"Anything I say? Then go and never come back here AGAIN." I said angrily, standing up.

"Haha!" he laughed, doubling over. "That's a good one! Tell me another!"

I grinned. "Okay! You want another one?!?" I yelled.

He grinned as well and nodded.

"Okay!" I screamed, grabbing his collar and dragging him to the door.

Tying him to a rope I opened the door. I placed my fire staff right behind him and lit away.

The adoring fan's flame shot into the sky heading as far as Morrowind and beyond.

I grinned and closed the door behind me.

"Coffee with that omelet?" came a annoying familiar voice from in the kitchen.

"NO!!" I yelled, dragging to the backyard and burning him at the stake.

"Any bacon?" he asked, setting the omelet on the plate.

I growled in response. Kicking him onto the roof where I froze him with a spell, set him in my privately owned fan-a-pult (recently installed), tied huge ropes around the bulges of ice, and finally launched as far away as it would go.

Rubbing my hands together I went downstairs to eat the omelet.

"Toast?"

"NO!!!" I screamed, grabbing him by his hair.

"I DON'T WANT TOAST! I DON'T WANT COFFEE! AND I DON'T WANT BACON!!!" I yelled as loud as I could, letting my anger flow through my voice.

He squirmed.

"Orange juice then?"

"No! I just want you to go away and never come back!" I yelled, releasing him.

Sniffling he rubbed his eyes. "Y-you don't like me?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes, handing him a handkerchief. "Duh." I stated flatly.

Tears rolled down his face as he solemnly walked out.

"Could you hurry it up?" I asked, watching him move very, very, slowly.

He looked over his shoulder giving one last pathetic look before he headed out.

"Thank goodness." I sighed, sitting down to eat my omelet. It tasted pretty good too.****

"So no toast then?"

"GAAAAAAH!!!"

**If you want more. I can bring more.. Just leave a review with a request and I will do my best. Thanks for reading!!!**


	3. Chapter 3

**HERE IT IS! (Sorry for the all caps, but I got excited.) The Oblivion fan fic that a few of you have been waiting for! So tada! Read and Review! (I love reviews people...)**

"Do you want me to shine your boots while you eat?"

I simply glared at him, not saying anything.

"So… is that a no?"

My gaze softened. "Do you want to come with me somewhere?" I asked, standing up slowly.

"Yes! I always wanted to go on some grand adventure with the grand champion on his grand horse!!" he yelled, doing some sort of an odd dance.

"What are you doing now?" I asked, the anger melting back into my tone.

"A dance! A happy dance!" he said, continuing. "Do you like it?"

"Yeah whatever, go fetch my sword and armor from upstairs." I said gruffly, sitting back down.

"Right away sir!" he said, saluting before he ran upstairs.

When he came back I placed the armor on me and sheathed my sword. "Do you have a weapon?" I asked him.

He shook his head no. "You can protect me!" he said, grinning again.

I hate it when he grins like that.

"I don't protect anyone but myself." I said, looking around. "Here, you can borrow this." I said, handing him a butter knife.

"Such a knightly weapon! I shall bear it with honor and pride, knowing that the grand champion himself asked me to use it." He said, bowing slightly.

I rolled my eyes and headed out the door.

"Do you have a horse?" I asked him, climbing onto my own.

"No, when I'm excited I run fast, therefore I don't need one." He said, shivering in excitement.

"Just keep up with me." I said, kicking the horse lightly with my heels.

I glanced over my shoulder and saw him running directly behind the horse, keeping a steady pace with me.

We went on and off trails until late the next day.

"I'm getting slightly tired!" the adoring fan's voice called from behind.

"We're almost there." Trying not to yawn myself.

Over the next hill an enormous oblivion gate stood. Atronachs, Dremoras, Clanfears, Daedroths, and other various Daedra littered the space around the gate.

"Alright! Your mission is to hug all of the Daedra before the sun sets." I explained to him.

"All of them?"

"All of them. Any questions?"

"Oh! I have one!" he said, raising his hand and jumping up and down.

"Yes?" I asked, rolling my eyes.

"I forgot. Okay! Hug all the Daedra…" he said slowly to himself. "Here it goes!" he yelled, running towards the gate.

Meanwhile I turned my horse around and headed home.

The next day I sank into my own bed and kicked off my boots.

My eyes had barely closed when I heard a voice.

"Mister Grand Champion! I hugged them all!" he said excitedly.

I opened my eyes and saw the adoring fan standing there.

His clothes were ripped to shreds, burn marks covered his entire body, he had a long gash across his forehead, and he still had that stupid grin on his face.

I closed my eyes back and pretended to die, and at that moment, I wanted to.

"Could you come to my fan club?! I would be honored if you could!" he asked, tugging on me.

I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep, ignoring his requests.

When he wouldn't stop pestering me I sat up in bed.

"Do you want to learn all of my secrets?" I asked, turning to him.

He nodded furiously. "Yes! Teach me oh great one with the shiny sword!" he begged.

"Alright, this is what you must do. You must travel north to Dive Rock, jump off the ledge, then you must take this spoon," I said, handing him a spoon. "And dig me a tunnel through Dive Rock. Okay?"

The adoring fan went over the list through his head. "Okay!" he yelled, running off.

I turned over and went back to sleep.

I don't know how long it was but the adoring back was shaking me to wake up.

He was leaning on a cane and his right leg was limp. "I brought you breakfast! And I have completed your task!" he squealed.

I threw the food into his face and shoved him out the door.

"Here's your coffee."

"Gaaah!!!"

**Seemed to go a little downhill there at the end but hey, it works. If you want me to continue I can, if not, just tell me to shutup and I'll pack my bags.. find a cave.. die...alone...because of you... Please review! Yay for reviews!**


	4. Chapter 4

**I just noticed as I was editing this that I copied some of the second chapter to the third. Sorry about that, I will try to fix it. Well, here is the next chapter. I took the advice of Wolf In the Mist and brought in a new friend... Read and Review!**

I held back the tears as I hugged a pillow in my locked room. It had been days since I had any contact with anyone **normal**. I mustn't cry, grand champions never cry.

I didn't know how much longer I could go on. Holding my breath for extended periods of time made me feel lightheaded.

A knock at the door reminded me I was not alone.

"I made you a flower crown and brushed your horse so we can parade through town!" the adoring fan exclaimed proudly.

Sorrow turned to anger when I heard his voice. Pulling out my sword I marched towards the door. With one shove the door was open and there the fans stood- wait! Fans?

Yes indeed, there were two fans now, both glaring at each other.

"Who are you?!" The first adoring fan demanded.

"I am the grand champion's number one fan!" she returned just as hotly. "Who are you?!"

"You can't be the number one fan! I'm the number one fan!" the first answered, crossing his arms in distaste.

"Looks like there is only one thing you guys can do now." I said, seizing the opportunity.

"What?" they both asked at the same time.

"Fight to the death."

They glared at each other with fierce hate.

And thus is began.

Several planks of wood, a few nails, a hammer, and hundreds of nasty remarks later we had a stage where they could fight.

Rummaging through my belongings, I found a few rusty weapons that could be of use.

"Chose your weapon…" I said in a very dark voice.

The first adoring fan stared at the weapons.

There was a rusty bow- but with no arrows, and then there was a rusty iron mace.

He snatched up the bow without arrows.

The only choice being a mace the female fan took hold of the mace and examined it in the sunlight.

I dragged my throne outside and grabbed a hunk of meat.

"Let the fight begin!" my voice roared.

They circled each other for several minutes.

I rolled my eyes. "You can hit each other now!" I shouted in annoyance.

On that word the first wood elf raced towards the other, waving his bow around like a mad man and screaming like a banshee.

The second raised her mace and knocked the useless bow out of his hands.

Throwing out her hands the cast _Fingers of the Mountain_ at him.

A blue blast raced towards the small wood elf.

Instead of dodging it, he tried to hug it. His face was red after the blast but other than that, he looked fine.

"She's cheating!" he yelled, pointing at her and glaring at me.

"You never said you didn't want to do spells." I reasoned.

The first adoring fan sat for a minute to think.

Ten minutes later he agreed.

All that said I suggested that they fight their way through an oblivion gate and whoever made it out alive was the number one fan.

"An excellent idea!" the first fan chirped, dancing around with his useless bow.

The second fan nodded furiously. "One that could only be thought up by the grand champion himself!" she said.

So we were off. This time I was determined to kill both of them for good.

As we arrived at the oblivion gate they stared at it with their jaws hanging open like flytraps.

"Alright, I shall place this blue orb inside." I said, pulling out a small blue orb from my pack. "Whoever finds it first and brings it back is the winner."

They both nodded.

With a sigh I walked inside the gate and sat on a rock for a hour before returning. I never planned to place the orb anywhere.

When I stepped back through the gate before I could say anything they both ran past me into the gate.

I smiled in content and climbed on to my horse. Without looking back I trotted home to sleep.

The Next Day

I woke up and yawned. Glancing around I noticed no one was there.

I was free.

The steps creaked as I walked downstairs. I sort of missed not having breakfast all ready for me.

Shrugging I pulled out the ingredients to make breakfast and enjoyed a nice quiet meal.

Alone.

I looked up as the adoring fan burst into the room.

"I found the orb!!!" he cried in delight, raising it above it head.

I do not think I've ever been as mad in my life as that moment.

**What did you think? I'd love some reviews! Also, I really love it when you leave what you think should happen.. I might put it in. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey everyone, I'm SO sorry this took so long. My brother (whom I luffle dearly) just moved away and yada yada ya so I haven't been in the most comedic mood as of late. I am so loving all the loverly reviews I'm getting and hope to receive more! If you want something to happen or whatever just put it in your review and we'll see. Okay, this is too long. Thank you all for reading and enjoy!**

"Shh! Quit crying!" I whispered loudly to myself.

"No! This is horrible!"

"Why am I talking to myself??" I asked into the dim room.

"I don't know!" I squeaked, grabbing my ears and tugging down. My face fell parallel to the floor with my eyes squinted shut.

"They're still out there…" I murmured.

Downstairs… 

The two fans fought like wild cats over how many eggs I would want with breakfast.

"Three!"

"Two!"

"The grand champion always wants three!" the male wood elf said, cracking another egg into the bowl.

"What? Are you saying he's fat now? He eats two so he can stay lean!" the female said, grabbing the egg out. The egg white splashed all over the floor joining the other eight eggs that had been used.

"Eggs don't count as calories!" the first adoring fan said, crossing his arms with eggshell all over the front of his shirt.

The female rolled her eyes. "Everything counts as calories, even you." She replied, snatching the rest of the eggs before he could get another one.

"Give them back!" he yelled, chasing after her.

"No!" she shouted, running outside the throwing them in the grass.

The male watched in horror and gasped at the sight.

With a nod of approval, the second fan walked back inside, brushing against the saddened fan.

After staring at the eggs lying across the stone pathway. He sighed as a tear dripped down his face. "Noooo!" he cried, almost seeming slow motion. The horrified fan dropped to his knees, moaning in angst with such drama.

His eyes popped back open.

"Scrambled eggs!" he cried in triumph, jumping back to his feet.

Scooping up the eggs strewn across the walkway and gathered them into his hands and ran back inside. Grabbing a separate skillet he placed them inside a pan and turned on the heat.

"You really think the grand champion will want _scrambled_ eggs?" she scoffed, flipping her eggs with ease.

The other fan stared at the yellow mass in his pan. It bubbled up bits of dirt and grime from the path. "Well…. Yes." He said, nodding to reassure himself.

The female rolled her eyes and continued cooking her eggs.

**Upstairs…**

I sighed. I needed a plan, a game plan, a good plan!

Maybe… just maybe if I played along... they'd either get bored or even better, kill each other.

Seeing as it was the only plan I had that was plausible, I enforced it by doing nothing.

The room grew lighter as the time progressed. Pulling on my boots I stood up and crept over to the door.

I sucked in a deep breath and buckled on my sword. Smiling in the mirror it soon faded as I saw the reflection of the male adoring fan behind me.

Turning to face him my blank expression turned to a frown.

He was holding a plate, which appeared to be some form of food. But I tell you my dear reader… that was not edible!

On this plate was a yellow and brown mass. I had no idea what the brown was nor did I have any desire to know. The yellow, I guessed, was the egg of a blue bird.

He held it up proudly with the largest grin.

I felt the need to puke and ran off to the washroom.

Before the female could try to impress upon me her 'more desirable' food I suggested that we go for a little trip.

"Are we going to visit your grandma?" The male asked, almost squeaking.

I shook my head no and rolled out a scroll in response.

"We need to get this…" I said, pointing at a painting of a book.

"Mysterium Xarxes?" the female adoring fan questioned.

"My grand pop used to read me that every night before I went to bed!" The other said, sighing with a smile on his face.

The female and I stared at him for a moment while he considered what he had just said.

When no conviction came, I crossed my arms.

"What are your names anyway?" I asked, kicking myself for having their names burned into my skull for all eternity.

"I'm Fanta! Like the drink, but cooler." The female said, grinning.

"My name is…" the male murmured for a moment, deep in… thought. (Does he think?) "Bob! My name is Bob. Bob Washertonson."

"What's your name?" Fanta asked.

I sighed, heading back up the stairs. "You are not yet worthy to know it." I said, grabbing my sword from my bedroom.

"So where is Mysto Max anyway?" Bob asked, trailing behind me.

"That," I said, turning to face him. "is what your supposed to find out."

**TWO HOURS LATER…**

We found ourselves in the middle of the forest. Bob walked around, seeming to know where he was going and occasionally glancing at a piece of paper he had bought from a traveling flee market.

"Where now?" I asked, stepping over a log.

"Hmm, we continue on for three more miles, then ask." He said, examining his map.

Fanta growled, stepping towards him. "That's it?! Go north you dimwit! All caves on this side of the water are located north."

"Great!" he cried in triumph, as if he had thought of it. "Which way is north?"

At the same time all of us pointed in a different direction.

"Sun rises in the west, sets in the east, therefore, it is that way." she said, walking south.

"Why do you think they call Japan "Land of the rising sun?" I asked.

Silence followed for a few minutes.

"What's a Japan?" Bob asked.

I rolled my eyes. "It's a city, but you obviously wouldn't know of it."

"Anyway, my point is, the sun rises in the east, not the west."

"Ooohhh." They both said in unison.

"Lets ask someone!!!" Bob yelled loudly.

Unfortunately he was standing right next to me so my ears went deaf for a brief moment.

I sat down on a nearby rock. "Sure, you ask the first person who comes along."

Bob nodded, glancing around wildly like a rabid snapping turtle. It seemed very dramatic.

"But I don't see anyone."

"Here comes captain obvious…" I muttered, closing my eyes and leaning back.

"Finally! Someone is promoting me to captain!!!!" He said with much joy, prancing around like a unicorn.

"Look!" Fanta shouted, pointing at a girl wearing pink and purple with a matching backpack who was heading towards them.

Bob ran over to me and got on all fours, growling at her.

This mysterious girl ignored Bob's actions and grinned.

"Hi! I'm Dora! Dora the explora!" She yelled loudly.

I smacked my forehead yet again. She and Bob would go perfectly together. Great, now my forehead was pink from all that smacking.

Bob jumped up, running over to her and circling her like a vulture.

"We need directions!" he shouted back after going around her twice. "Can you tell us how to get to Mysto Max?!"

"Sure! Let me get my map!" she almost screamed, pulling it out of her backpack. "Okay!"

"You go THROUGH the trees north! AROUND the giant alarm clock! And OVER the pile of cheez its!"

"Great! Thank you, we will be on our way." I said quickly, standing up. The last thing I needed was another whack on crack.

Bob shook hands with Dora before following along with Fanta.

After around an hour heading north the trees faded and came to an open plain.

There, smack dab in the middle of everything was a giant mound of rock. Carved into it were numbers in a circle resembling a clock.

"Oh great..." I moaned, sighing.

"Great! Lets go around it now!" Bob shouted, prancing into the lead.

Foolishly I followed, dumbstruck at how accurate that speech of babble I had to endure previously was.

Lo and behold behind the rock was a large hill, but it wasn't of cheez its, it was just a bright yellow grass.

"Cheese!!!" Bob yelled, running towards it.

I let him go, it was quieter without him anyway.

Fanta silently walked beside me. I started to say something, but kept my mouth shut.

"Are you married?" she asked suddenly.

"Well uh, err, no." I stuttered, no one had asked me that before, and I had not really thought about getting married in the first place.

She seemed amused by my answer. "Well you should, I heard it was nice."

I kept a flat stare at the hill we were climbing over. "Right… from who?" I asked, watching Bob lick the side of the hill.

"Bob."

Bob at this moment gagged and clutched his throat, rolling down the other side of the hill.

"Uh huh…" was the only reply she needed.

At the top of the hill I could see the cave where Mysterium Xarxes was presumably.

Fanta looked over at me and grinned. In a very movie like moment a gust of wind came and blew here hair, I shuddered as for a split second I felt attracted to her.

I shook my head rapidly, no, no, no, no. This must not happen. I almost got sick over the thought as I processed it through my head.

Bob reached out crying in a sob like state. Fanta pulled him to his feet, and then pushed him back over.

When we were all back together I looked before me.

The cave of Mysterium Xarxes.

**To be continued….**

**Well what did you think? Yeah, I had a little crazy moment there at the end, but that will not develop, or will it? Who knows? I certainly don't.**

**Reviews are nice, so are hugs, both are welcome under my roof.**

**The Penguin Squad**


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